What's in a Name?
Okay, medical people! You need some help in the naming department. Luckily, I am offering my services to you. I have several low-cost plans that are fully explained in a simple 200-page naming booklet I am happy to send you free of charge.
Let me explain why you so desperately need my services. I was just at the eye doctor and was feeling relieved that everything was looking fine, when the doctor started dictating some measurements to the technician. Suddenly he says, and I quote, “She has a small nuclear scleral explosion in her left eye,”
“Whaaaaaat???!!!!”
“Oh, that’s completely normal. Nothing to worry about.”
I ask you, what kind of terminology is that? In my opinion, any medical problem that is termed a nuclear explosion should only be used to describe something so drastic that the undertaker and the janitor need to be called immediately because the patient’s condition is all over the floor.
Medical forms are scary too. Once, when I was filling out routine paperwork for surgery, I had to initial that the doctor was free to “dispose of any body part.” Then the form just went on to the next question. I would have liked a bit more clarification on that. I mean, I’m assuming that the doctor isn’t going to say, throw away my liver on a whim, but if I’m unconscious, and the surgeon is bored, and I signed the form…
Also incorrect is the terrible sounding Sphenopalatine Ganglioneuralgia which just means an ice-cream headache.
I think the takeaway here is that if it sounds awful, you’re probably fine. If, however, the doctor tells you that there is a minor sounding problem, like a paper cut (official meaning: the entire hand is nearly cut off) you might want to call your loved ones to gather.
One of the worst named problems in my opinion, is the mental illness called borderline-personality disorder. Before I knew better, I assumed this disorder was, you know, borderline. More along the lines of a personal quirk. Something like my husband’s preference for a certain fork when he eats pancakes (identical to all the other forks). Weird, sure. But nothing that eye-ball rolls from the rest of us can’t fix. But no! borderline personality disorder is extremely serious, debilitating and difficult to treat.
And the fun sounding Alice in Wonderland syndrome, is a horrible problem that causes migraines so serious that they can make a person feel as if some of their body parts are bigger or smaller than they should be.
Before I realized that medical terminology sounds like anything except what it actually means, I had a scare. I had gone in for a routine physical. Afterwards, I kept getting increasingly urgent messages to call the doctor back. But you know how it is, I tried and couldn’t get through, then I forgot, then I got distracted and so on. Finally, on a Friday night (of course) I got, “Anneli, it is IMPERATIVE that you call doctor so and so immediately!” That got my attention. It must be bad! What was wrong with me? Did I have cancer???
After what felt like a very long weekend, I called Monday morning. The cheerful receptionist looked me up. “Oh yes,” she said. “We got your labs back and just wanted to let you know that everything is fine.”
Sheesh! No wonder people suffer from high blood pressure.
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Let me explain why you so desperately need my services. I was just at the eye doctor and was feeling relieved that everything was looking fine, when the doctor started dictating some measurements to the technician. Suddenly he says, and I quote, “She has a small nuclear scleral explosion in her left eye,”
“Whaaaaaat???!!!!”
“Oh, that’s completely normal. Nothing to worry about.”
I ask you, what kind of terminology is that? In my opinion, any medical problem that is termed a nuclear explosion should only be used to describe something so drastic that the undertaker and the janitor need to be called immediately because the patient’s condition is all over the floor.
Medical forms are scary too. Once, when I was filling out routine paperwork for surgery, I had to initial that the doctor was free to “dispose of any body part.” Then the form just went on to the next question. I would have liked a bit more clarification on that. I mean, I’m assuming that the doctor isn’t going to say, throw away my liver on a whim, but if I’m unconscious, and the surgeon is bored, and I signed the form…
Also incorrect is the terrible sounding Sphenopalatine Ganglioneuralgia which just means an ice-cream headache.
I think the takeaway here is that if it sounds awful, you’re probably fine. If, however, the doctor tells you that there is a minor sounding problem, like a paper cut (official meaning: the entire hand is nearly cut off) you might want to call your loved ones to gather.
One of the worst named problems in my opinion, is the mental illness called borderline-personality disorder. Before I knew better, I assumed this disorder was, you know, borderline. More along the lines of a personal quirk. Something like my husband’s preference for a certain fork when he eats pancakes (identical to all the other forks). Weird, sure. But nothing that eye-ball rolls from the rest of us can’t fix. But no! borderline personality disorder is extremely serious, debilitating and difficult to treat.
And the fun sounding Alice in Wonderland syndrome, is a horrible problem that causes migraines so serious that they can make a person feel as if some of their body parts are bigger or smaller than they should be.
Before I realized that medical terminology sounds like anything except what it actually means, I had a scare. I had gone in for a routine physical. Afterwards, I kept getting increasingly urgent messages to call the doctor back. But you know how it is, I tried and couldn’t get through, then I forgot, then I got distracted and so on. Finally, on a Friday night (of course) I got, “Anneli, it is IMPERATIVE that you call doctor so and so immediately!” That got my attention. It must be bad! What was wrong with me? Did I have cancer???
After what felt like a very long weekend, I called Monday morning. The cheerful receptionist looked me up. “Oh yes,” she said. “We got your labs back and just wanted to let you know that everything is fine.”
Sheesh! No wonder people suffer from high blood pressure.
Back to Health and Beauty
Back to Home