The Tax Limerick
A few years ago I took a fascinating class on the impact of disease on history. The textbook (The Power of Plagues by Irwin Sherman), while interesting, wasn’t exactly full of laughs given the subject matter. But one day I was rewarded for doing my assigned reading by suddenly coming across a multi-stanza limerick on syphilis (you can find it at: https://everything2.com/title/Syphilis ). Clearly, anyone goofy enough to write about syphilis using a totally inappropriate literary form is a soul-mate and I was inspired to try and write my own long limerick on some awful subject.
Happily (or actually, not), there is another loathsome disease even more universal than covid. This one has no cure and no vaccine. It just lies dormant until its annual outbreak infects us all. I can only hope that death will someday grant us a merciful release, but I’m not sure this disease won’t follow us even there.
The judgement of Biblical creed
Has nothing on IRS greed
With instructions right here
And hearts full of fear
We’ll find out how much we will bleed.
Our finances seem to be tangled
Because of a system new-fangled
Our receipts have all vanished
Good will has been banished
We wonder now what can be wangled?
Form 1040 is what we will use,
‘Cause it looks like we cannot refuse
Schedule 91-B,
It’s all Greek to me
So what in the heck do we choose?
Look, we don’t need this worry inside us
We won’t need this aspirin beside us
I say, “See here honey,”
We don’t make that much money,”
They won’t get us confused with King Midas.
While we play with this IRS game
We treat our fears with disdain
We say, “There’s no government waste,
Or lies told bare-faced,
In their place we would spend it the same.”
We owe how many thousands of dollar?!
The walls start to shake as I holler,
There’s no way this can be!
Can we sell a kidney?
This total has got to be smaller!
Tax evasion we guess is felonious
So we’ll submit although it’s erroneous
Maybe they’ll rush it through
As just one of the queue
And won’t see that all this is baloneyous.
Happily (or actually, not), there is another loathsome disease even more universal than covid. This one has no cure and no vaccine. It just lies dormant until its annual outbreak infects us all. I can only hope that death will someday grant us a merciful release, but I’m not sure this disease won’t follow us even there.
The judgement of Biblical creed
Has nothing on IRS greed
With instructions right here
And hearts full of fear
We’ll find out how much we will bleed.
Our finances seem to be tangled
Because of a system new-fangled
Our receipts have all vanished
Good will has been banished
We wonder now what can be wangled?
Form 1040 is what we will use,
‘Cause it looks like we cannot refuse
Schedule 91-B,
It’s all Greek to me
So what in the heck do we choose?
Look, we don’t need this worry inside us
We won’t need this aspirin beside us
I say, “See here honey,”
We don’t make that much money,”
They won’t get us confused with King Midas.
While we play with this IRS game
We treat our fears with disdain
We say, “There’s no government waste,
Or lies told bare-faced,
In their place we would spend it the same.”
We owe how many thousands of dollar?!
The walls start to shake as I holler,
There’s no way this can be!
Can we sell a kidney?
This total has got to be smaller!
Tax evasion we guess is felonious
So we’ll submit although it’s erroneous
Maybe they’ll rush it through
As just one of the queue
And won’t see that all this is baloneyous.
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