Redwoods Vacation
First off, I have to apologize. The trip to the Redwoods was entirely my idea. I was seized
with the compulsion to go before the war with Iran broke out. Naturally, I assumed that if we
took a trip with lots of long drives that gas prices would go up for the occasion, but I had no idea
it would hit $6.50 a gallon in California! My karma is sometimes more powerful than I realize.
I’m not going to try to describe the Redwoods, there aren’t words. But that’s not to say
there wasn’t a good deal of silliness during our time there too, and I CAN write about that.
We stayed in Eureka, a wonderful little city. Among other things it has a chocolate
factory where we spent…never mind. We also took a ghost tour. We’ve done a number of these
all over the world, but on this tour we experienced a manifestation! Our guide led us down a dark
alley and stopped us behind a house where an unhappy woman had once lived. The house was
still occupied and some of the upper windows were lit, but all else was dark and quiet. And then,
a hand puppet suddenly materialized in the window! It was a skeletal dog! Oh No! It peered
down at us, as menacing as a hand puppet can be, then sank mysteriously below the windowsill.
Speaking of menacing, what’s with all the banana slug stuff? There is a simply
unbelievable amount of banana slug merchandise everywhere you go. So much, that you would
think the forest floor would be covered to a disgusting degree. Not at all. We looked and looked
and Dave finally found a small specimen. Of course this did not stop us from buying a slug pen,
a pin, a Lego set and maybe a few other things, brainwashing is very powerful.
The other merch to buy is anything Bigfoot. Again, by sheer quantity you’d expect to
meet Bigfoot and all of his relatives around every corner, but we never caught a glimpse. We did
however, go to the Bigfoot museum in Willow Creek where we met a true believer, and when we
poked our heads into the giant cannabis shop across the street, we saw a giant stuffed Bigfoot
smoking a joint. He is truly everywhere.
In addition to watching out for Bigfoots and banana slugs you should also watch out for
antelopes. There are signs about this, but what they don’t tell you is what you should do if you
meet one. Whatever the right thing is, I’m sure my reaction would be to gasp, freeze and wet my
pants before being pounded into jelly. Luckily, we only saw a few at a distance, so I didn’t have
to put my plan into action.
with the compulsion to go before the war with Iran broke out. Naturally, I assumed that if we
took a trip with lots of long drives that gas prices would go up for the occasion, but I had no idea
it would hit $6.50 a gallon in California! My karma is sometimes more powerful than I realize.
I’m not going to try to describe the Redwoods, there aren’t words. But that’s not to say
there wasn’t a good deal of silliness during our time there too, and I CAN write about that.
We stayed in Eureka, a wonderful little city. Among other things it has a chocolate
factory where we spent…never mind. We also took a ghost tour. We’ve done a number of these
all over the world, but on this tour we experienced a manifestation! Our guide led us down a dark
alley and stopped us behind a house where an unhappy woman had once lived. The house was
still occupied and some of the upper windows were lit, but all else was dark and quiet. And then,
a hand puppet suddenly materialized in the window! It was a skeletal dog! Oh No! It peered
down at us, as menacing as a hand puppet can be, then sank mysteriously below the windowsill.
Speaking of menacing, what’s with all the banana slug stuff? There is a simply
unbelievable amount of banana slug merchandise everywhere you go. So much, that you would
think the forest floor would be covered to a disgusting degree. Not at all. We looked and looked
and Dave finally found a small specimen. Of course this did not stop us from buying a slug pen,
a pin, a Lego set and maybe a few other things, brainwashing is very powerful.
The other merch to buy is anything Bigfoot. Again, by sheer quantity you’d expect to
meet Bigfoot and all of his relatives around every corner, but we never caught a glimpse. We did
however, go to the Bigfoot museum in Willow Creek where we met a true believer, and when we
poked our heads into the giant cannabis shop across the street, we saw a giant stuffed Bigfoot
smoking a joint. He is truly everywhere.
In addition to watching out for Bigfoots and banana slugs you should also watch out for
antelopes. There are signs about this, but what they don’t tell you is what you should do if you
meet one. Whatever the right thing is, I’m sure my reaction would be to gasp, freeze and wet my
pants before being pounded into jelly. Luckily, we only saw a few at a distance, so I didn’t have
to put my plan into action.
From the slugs at the roots and the Sasquatches lurking in the brush, the trees truly soar.
Many grow hundreds of feet tall, so I got all excited for tree-top canopy experiences. By all
means, search these out, but be prepared. The walkways were maybe 30 or 40 feet off the
ground. Good enough for most of the world, but not here. Here, a measly 40 feet does not put
you anywhere close to the canopy, instead, you wander amidst the tree trunks with basically the
same view you would have if you stayed on the ground.
One of these “canopy walks” is in the Sequoia Park Zoo, which has a petting area that
includes donkeys. After the zoo, we took a walk through Sequoia Park right next door. Did you
know that if you’re in the middle of a timeless forest, a donkey sounds exactly like a T-Rex from
the Jurassic Park movies? This is especially true if you can’t see other humans nearby.
Lastly, pack some healthy snacks. The Redwoods cover an enormous area and there are
many tiny towns near the more popular trails. Each of these towns feature burgers with tater tots
and fries or hotdogs with tater tots or fries. In larger towns you may also find pizza which comes
with tater tots or fries.
Anyway, if your soul needs rest and if you can possibly get there, go see the Redwoods.
But don’t feed your tater tots to the banana slugs or Bigfoots. It’s bad for them and they are
plenty big enough already.
Many grow hundreds of feet tall, so I got all excited for tree-top canopy experiences. By all
means, search these out, but be prepared. The walkways were maybe 30 or 40 feet off the
ground. Good enough for most of the world, but not here. Here, a measly 40 feet does not put
you anywhere close to the canopy, instead, you wander amidst the tree trunks with basically the
same view you would have if you stayed on the ground.
One of these “canopy walks” is in the Sequoia Park Zoo, which has a petting area that
includes donkeys. After the zoo, we took a walk through Sequoia Park right next door. Did you
know that if you’re in the middle of a timeless forest, a donkey sounds exactly like a T-Rex from
the Jurassic Park movies? This is especially true if you can’t see other humans nearby.
Lastly, pack some healthy snacks. The Redwoods cover an enormous area and there are
many tiny towns near the more popular trails. Each of these towns feature burgers with tater tots
and fries or hotdogs with tater tots or fries. In larger towns you may also find pizza which comes
with tater tots or fries.
Anyway, if your soul needs rest and if you can possibly get there, go see the Redwoods.
But don’t feed your tater tots to the banana slugs or Bigfoots. It’s bad for them and they are
plenty big enough already.