Fashion of the Future
It will come as no surprise to anyone who knows me that I don’t understand fashion. Truly, I don’t get it. Why don’t some colors go with others? Why even make clothes that are uncomfortable? I am truly amazed by anyone who wear a blazer. That means pulling together two tops and a bottom, not to mention shoes and jewelry. Wizardry.
I need help. So, I got a hold of one of those companies that provide you with a personal stylist and send you a boxes of clothes. I just got my first box. Since for once, I had been honest about the size I really am, everything fit. That made a nice change from the trauma of big store dressing rooms. Also everything was soft and hung so nicely! I put on an outfit and ran to the mirror. I was disappointed to see that I still looked exactly like myself. I had hoped to look like Sandra Bullock. But still, the clothes felt great and according to the card, they were coordinated, so I was delighted.
Then I saw the prices. Mercy!! The cost of the jeans alone almost sent me screaming back to Walmart. No wonder fashion favors the thin! After buying clothes even Sandra can't possibly have money left for food. But after some deep breathing and aspirin, I guiltily kept a few things.
But really, who needs stress like this? And why should anyone pay a fortune for clothes? Can’t we all just be super comfy AND in style without effort? And can’t we all just get along? And can’t we save the planet while we’re at it? Yes! Yes, we can! I have a solution.
Think back to those old sci-fi movies, also Star Trek. Think of all the advanced civilizations they meet. What do they all have in common? Uniforms! Aliens with giant heads and giant IQ’s are too smart to bother with shifting styles. They just wear stretchy jumpsuits or robes and call it good. I’ve noticed that the really brilliant aliens have also done away with hair. They never waste time on washing, cutting or styling. They wake up, shower, put on the jumpsuit and are ready to conquer the world (usually literally in those movies).
But, you say, “those uniforms look stupid. I don’t want to wear that.” EXACTLY! That’s the beauty of the plan. No matter what the designers come up with, everyone will complain about the outfit. I’ll complain loudly too, but I won’t really mean it. Honestly, I will happily go around dressed as Daffy Duck, if it means I don’t have to worry about matching. But as a nation? At last we will be a truly united people. All of us, whether we are black, white, brown, tall, short, republican, democrat, gay, straight, religious, atheist, thin, fat, rich or poor, we will ALL hate the uniform. At last, we agree on something! It’s the first step toward world peace. The uniforms can come with a few variations for warm or cold weather, exercise, sleeping and swimming, maybe even one for formal occasions, and that will be you’ll need. People will no longer wear only 5 or 10 percent of their clothing. They will wear all of it. And we won’t be wasting nearly as many natural resources to make clothes that people don’t need. Everyone will be very comfortable and even the most socially awkward person will have a solid topic of conversation, “Can you believe these stupid stripes they put on the arms?”
So, let’s get started! How about we all start wearing yellow shirts and overalls like the minions? Wear comfy socks and black comfy shoes and you’re set. Not cool looking, but set. If we all start wearing this outfit as much as possible, it will soon become acceptable to wear at anytime from cleaning the garage to the boardroom. At first, other people might laugh, but then, because humans are fundamentally lazy, and this is easy, they will join in. Soon, even Taylor Swift will wear the outfit and a new and better world will be born. Join with me friends! Who has the courage to start the revolution?
I need help. So, I got a hold of one of those companies that provide you with a personal stylist and send you a boxes of clothes. I just got my first box. Since for once, I had been honest about the size I really am, everything fit. That made a nice change from the trauma of big store dressing rooms. Also everything was soft and hung so nicely! I put on an outfit and ran to the mirror. I was disappointed to see that I still looked exactly like myself. I had hoped to look like Sandra Bullock. But still, the clothes felt great and according to the card, they were coordinated, so I was delighted.
Then I saw the prices. Mercy!! The cost of the jeans alone almost sent me screaming back to Walmart. No wonder fashion favors the thin! After buying clothes even Sandra can't possibly have money left for food. But after some deep breathing and aspirin, I guiltily kept a few things.
But really, who needs stress like this? And why should anyone pay a fortune for clothes? Can’t we all just be super comfy AND in style without effort? And can’t we all just get along? And can’t we save the planet while we’re at it? Yes! Yes, we can! I have a solution.
Think back to those old sci-fi movies, also Star Trek. Think of all the advanced civilizations they meet. What do they all have in common? Uniforms! Aliens with giant heads and giant IQ’s are too smart to bother with shifting styles. They just wear stretchy jumpsuits or robes and call it good. I’ve noticed that the really brilliant aliens have also done away with hair. They never waste time on washing, cutting or styling. They wake up, shower, put on the jumpsuit and are ready to conquer the world (usually literally in those movies).
But, you say, “those uniforms look stupid. I don’t want to wear that.” EXACTLY! That’s the beauty of the plan. No matter what the designers come up with, everyone will complain about the outfit. I’ll complain loudly too, but I won’t really mean it. Honestly, I will happily go around dressed as Daffy Duck, if it means I don’t have to worry about matching. But as a nation? At last we will be a truly united people. All of us, whether we are black, white, brown, tall, short, republican, democrat, gay, straight, religious, atheist, thin, fat, rich or poor, we will ALL hate the uniform. At last, we agree on something! It’s the first step toward world peace. The uniforms can come with a few variations for warm or cold weather, exercise, sleeping and swimming, maybe even one for formal occasions, and that will be you’ll need. People will no longer wear only 5 or 10 percent of their clothing. They will wear all of it. And we won’t be wasting nearly as many natural resources to make clothes that people don’t need. Everyone will be very comfortable and even the most socially awkward person will have a solid topic of conversation, “Can you believe these stupid stripes they put on the arms?”
So, let’s get started! How about we all start wearing yellow shirts and overalls like the minions? Wear comfy socks and black comfy shoes and you’re set. Not cool looking, but set. If we all start wearing this outfit as much as possible, it will soon become acceptable to wear at anytime from cleaning the garage to the boardroom. At first, other people might laugh, but then, because humans are fundamentally lazy, and this is easy, they will join in. Soon, even Taylor Swift will wear the outfit and a new and better world will be born. Join with me friends! Who has the courage to start the revolution?