Basic Beauty Tips
Very often, I am asked for my own special beauty tips. “Anneli,” my friends say, “What
on earth have you done to yourself?” Well, wonder no longer. Here are some of my personally
guaranteed, no fail secrets.
1. For greatly improving your overall appearance in a short space of time, there is
nothing like moving to an area with lower standards. You may think this idea is
extreme, but then, people ARE extreme when it comes to their looks. I lived for a
time deep in the boonies of West Virginia. To my everlasting regret, this was before
the Miss Roadkill competition was organized (this is a real thing). I hate to promote a
stereotype, but on two separate occasions I was complimented on my teeth and asked
if they were real. I was only 21 at the time! Never in my life before or since have I
gotten compliments on my teeth, which are completely ordinary, but out in the
hollers, at least two people were dazzled.
2. Another time, I went on a road trip over spring break with two guy friends and
their good friend that I hadn’t met before the trip. We left late at night so the new guy
didn’t really get a good look at me. We broke down, spent the night camped on the
ground and crawled the rest of the way at 30 mph. That meant I hadn’t had a shower.
I have oily hair and skin and simply can NOT skip a shower without scary
consequences. By the time we finally got there, I could have given Medusa a run for
her money. I saw a shower and bolted for it. When I emerged, the new guy, who was
cute, stared and said, “Saaaaaaaay, you’re pretty when you’re clean.” There you go.
The basics will go a long way if you only take the care to time them right.
3. Speaking of the basics. Here is what I call my “Basic Beauty Regine. This is my
own plan of preference and it’s a rare day when I don’t follow this program.
a. Shower the night before
b. Wake up (optional)
c. Brush teeth
d. Put on whatever I think won’t get me sent home from work.
e. Leave
The great advantage to this plan is that even the least extra effort on your part will pay off
in big, “WOWS” from those around you.
“Hey, Anneli, you look great! What did you do with your hair?”
“I brushed it!”
“You look amazing!”
4. If you, like me, are the type that can’t quite get it together in the morning (or
really any other time if I’m being honest), you can still make up for many defects just
by implicitly suggesting that you are much smarter than your appearance would
indicate. After all, everyone respected Einstein and he wasn’t exactly swimsuit cover
material. If I can’t have beauty, I’ll settle for respect. Not as much respect as Einstein
got obviously, because I’m not that smart, but some. For example, an acquaintance
will motion me to come over:
Say Anneli, she’ll whisper, did you know that you don’t quite match
today?
Then, I might reply, “Well, you know, as Shakespeare always said,
Avaunt! By light of porous moon,
Doth true bequest the pantaloon!
“Right” the friend will say, carefully backing away to a very respectful distance.
You can look forward to more health and beauty tips in the future. Probably, next time the
mirror frightens me more than usual. In the meantime, take heart. You can always do the least
you can do.
on earth have you done to yourself?” Well, wonder no longer. Here are some of my personally
guaranteed, no fail secrets.
1. For greatly improving your overall appearance in a short space of time, there is
nothing like moving to an area with lower standards. You may think this idea is
extreme, but then, people ARE extreme when it comes to their looks. I lived for a
time deep in the boonies of West Virginia. To my everlasting regret, this was before
the Miss Roadkill competition was organized (this is a real thing). I hate to promote a
stereotype, but on two separate occasions I was complimented on my teeth and asked
if they were real. I was only 21 at the time! Never in my life before or since have I
gotten compliments on my teeth, which are completely ordinary, but out in the
hollers, at least two people were dazzled.
2. Another time, I went on a road trip over spring break with two guy friends and
their good friend that I hadn’t met before the trip. We left late at night so the new guy
didn’t really get a good look at me. We broke down, spent the night camped on the
ground and crawled the rest of the way at 30 mph. That meant I hadn’t had a shower.
I have oily hair and skin and simply can NOT skip a shower without scary
consequences. By the time we finally got there, I could have given Medusa a run for
her money. I saw a shower and bolted for it. When I emerged, the new guy, who was
cute, stared and said, “Saaaaaaaay, you’re pretty when you’re clean.” There you go.
The basics will go a long way if you only take the care to time them right.
3. Speaking of the basics. Here is what I call my “Basic Beauty Regine. This is my
own plan of preference and it’s a rare day when I don’t follow this program.
a. Shower the night before
b. Wake up (optional)
c. Brush teeth
d. Put on whatever I think won’t get me sent home from work.
e. Leave
The great advantage to this plan is that even the least extra effort on your part will pay off
in big, “WOWS” from those around you.
“Hey, Anneli, you look great! What did you do with your hair?”
“I brushed it!”
“You look amazing!”
4. If you, like me, are the type that can’t quite get it together in the morning (or
really any other time if I’m being honest), you can still make up for many defects just
by implicitly suggesting that you are much smarter than your appearance would
indicate. After all, everyone respected Einstein and he wasn’t exactly swimsuit cover
material. If I can’t have beauty, I’ll settle for respect. Not as much respect as Einstein
got obviously, because I’m not that smart, but some. For example, an acquaintance
will motion me to come over:
Say Anneli, she’ll whisper, did you know that you don’t quite match
today?
Then, I might reply, “Well, you know, as Shakespeare always said,
Avaunt! By light of porous moon,
Doth true bequest the pantaloon!
“Right” the friend will say, carefully backing away to a very respectful distance.
You can look forward to more health and beauty tips in the future. Probably, next time the
mirror frightens me more than usual. In the meantime, take heart. You can always do the least
you can do.